To end the week on a good note!

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by Tinkerhell, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. Tinkerhell

    Tinkerhell Active Member

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    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a
    fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly
    Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

    While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
    Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

    St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
    'Let me go find out,' and he leaves.

    The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is
    still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to
    get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it
    doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together FOREVER?' After yet
    another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

    'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you CAN get married in Heaven.'

    'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things
    don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

    'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

    'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest
    up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER!
     

  2. Macktee

    Macktee New Member

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    That was funny!

    Fortunately, I could see the punch line coming so (this time) I didn't spill anything on my keyboard...


    Speaking of heaven...


    THE FRANK FELDMAN STORY!



    A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
    He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're
    just like Frank.'

    Passenger: 'Who?'

    Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the
    time.

    Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened
    like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

    Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody..'

    Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.

    He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.

    He could golf with the pros.

    He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.

    You should have heard him play the piano.

    He was an amazing guy.'

    Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.

    Cabbie: 'There's more...

    He had a memory like a computer.

    Could remember everybody's birthday.

    He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.

    He could fix anything.

    Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.

    But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.'

    Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'

    Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
    traffic jams.

    Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.

    But Frank, he never made a mistake,and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.

    He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong.

    His clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.

    He was the perfect man!

    He never made a mistake.

    No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

    Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

    Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, but I did marry his widow.'



    :neener:
     
  3. Macktee

    Macktee New Member

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    How 'bout we start the week in a similar fashion?


    Did you know that Eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years. He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!

    Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. But he just might like to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.

    He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest. The sex was OK but all the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE, I want to Love! I am a DOVE, I want to love! Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the Dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

    He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest, again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say is, I am a LOON, I want to spoon!
    I am a LOON, I want to spoon! Egads, out with the LOON.

    Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought the DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was great, but all the DUCK would say was...well .... you know

    Scroll down.















    No ...... the DUCK didn't say THAT!!!!! That's an awful thing to think!!



    The Duck said, I am a DRAKE, you made a MISTAKE!



    :rotfl: :rotfl2:



    An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
    As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.


    She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"


    He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calv es, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy"


    She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

    The two sat sipping in silence.

    A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"





    He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."


    :rotfl: :rotfl2: