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Junior Butt Warmer
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
THE FELONIOUS PIGS

I'm a little piggy, short and stout.
Here is my handle, watch me spout.
Oink is my song, I let it out.
Stinky little piggy, but I have no clout.

This little piggy got shouted out
By criminal piggy’s who had no doubt
About selling their souls to a craven lout
Who STOLE all my stinky little piggy clout.

My sister is a piggy, please have no doubt.
She wanted me dead the moment I came out.
She thinks our plumbing got all mixed about.
She thinks I stole all HER piggy clout.

The barn yard has piggy’s strewn about.
Eating each other because they want more clout.
Won’t somebody please help me root them out?
I NEVER gave up ANY of my piggy clout!
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
SLEEP TALKING SISTER

I once had a sister
And she had a sister
Who played a game just like Twister.
She’d pretend she was a mister
And together they would kiss her
With a friend of that sister
Who herself only liked to laugh at me.

She took some of my clothes
And would twinkle her nose
And transform herself with those
And throw away her panty hose
When the school day would close
And send a mob of horny foes
To come to try to destroy me.

But my sister never knew
Nor did the other one too
About the dreams I would do
That filled my shorts with goo
Because puberty threw
A wrench at those two
And the plans they all had for me.

I dreamed about Cher
As my hair grew down there
And I became more aware
About how to take care
When I awoke in a scare
With dreams of blondes fair
And sisters who would take care of me.

Pitching my tent
When the moonlight was spent
And dawn came and went
I’d be scratching my dent
At the words my sister lent
To my ears, and the scent
Of her talking in my sleep to me.

Because one thing is true,
Though I don’t know ‘bout you,
Or your lives as you grew
Or if you woke to morning dew
In your briefs that you threw
Into the trash because you knew
You had a sleep talking sister like me.

Those dreams got so weird,
And for my sanity I feared,
With frustration my eyes teared
‘Cause my sleep was commandeered
By a sister who felt cleared
To put her mouth to my ear
And whisper all her ugly sins into me.

So take care, my brothers dear,
Keep a door closed and near
If your sisters you do fear
Will whisper in your ear
While you sleep, and bring a tear
By telling others that you’re queer
The way she tried to steal my life from me.

Just be true to yourself
And don’t let anyone else
Like a sister on a shelf
Who wanted a brother for herself
Whispering magic like an elf
Steal your dreams from you yourself
And sleep talk like my sister did to me.

She tried to steal my dick
And I thought it was too sick
But she learned all that ick
From our parents who would stick
Their unhealthy social clique
Into our family, what a trick.
My whole life they told lies about me.

My whole life they’ve been lying about me.
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
DRAGONS IN THE CELLAR

Dad left me to die on the concrete and wood
Drinking his booze as I twitched while I could
Mom finally came and she saw what he’d done
Then made a choice to put her only son on the run

[CHORUS]
Demons in the attic and Dragons in the cellar
My life is a fraud but there’s no way to tell her
[/CHORUS]

More blows to my head, Dad slapped this son stupid
Selfish run wild, chasing booze, chasing cupid
Mom gave up on me by the time I was four
Another daughter she had, someone to adore

::CHORUS::

Sister played cards learning at Dotty’s knee
A failure she said when the cards came to me
The company bought all the lies that Mom told
Wanting me dead and failing me cold.

::CHORUS::

Dad kicked Mom around the table that night
I put a scar on her face when she gave me a fright
A knife on the table, frying pan from the wall
While in a red haze, I couldn’t save us at all

::CHORUS::

Dumped on the farm, Mom took us and fled
Indulging her dread of those blows to my head
Frank with a rifle and on perfumed bed
Molested my sisters while threatening me dead

::CHORUS::

Out in the woods I tried to learn life
Down at the barn I saw the cow’s strife
Out in the pasture and out in the woods
I learned how to think just as much as I could

::CHORUS::

Years went by and my sisters learned hate
Murdered my dog while calling it fate
Mom came for visits but never showed love
While she treated my sisters like gifts from above

::CHORUS::

I tried to live life while learning to think
Frank killed my aunt ‘cause he wanted to drink
Mom’s parents he held in terrible thrall
But Grandpa survived Frank without protection at all

::CHORUS::

Then to the city Mom took us with glee
In her bed three while neglecting me
Sister, well she still wanted me dead
For saving my life with this dent in my head

::CHORUS::

Into a house in a ‘hood that was strange
I didn’t know we were just kids on a range
They kept me from Sheila those years that went by
How could we know we were all pigs in a sty?

::CHORUS::

Neighbor he tried, and teachers did too
They gave up on me just like you all do
My Grandpa was murdered while laying in bed
They tried to blame me with a trance in my head

::CHORUS::

Hippies and flowers, my bed in a hall
Dreaming with Sheila, she dreamed for us all
Step-dad he cared about only one thing
Mom’s only care was their next social fling

::CHORUS::

Bullied at school at my sister’s behest
She was under Jack’s spell just like all the rest
Sheila got pregnant by some other guy
She believed all the lies and I wanted to die

::CHORUS::

I continued to grow and I learned how to think
But their lies overcame their own terrible stink
Always using me just to cover their sins
Always using me and denying my wins

::CHORUS::

They say life is funny, they say life is weird
My life is misery arranged by the herd
You’re animals all, and you all just blame me
You keep me in chains so you can be free

::CHORUS::

No one will help. No one will see.
No one will hear any words come from me
They say I am empty, not really alive
I strive to be free. I strive to survive.

::CHORUS::

Abandoned by all by those lies from a few
Spread to the world and believed by all you
You won’t let me live, you won’t let me be free
You point to their lies saying I deserve misery

::CHORUS::

You say it is kindness, you say it is just
You say it is needed, you call it a must
But it’s all the same lies, and no one will see
You steal my life from me, you keep killing me

::CHORUS::

Whose child is next to be left on the floor?
It is your child next, or the child next door?
They abducted Paco thinking he was me
But I’m not dead yet and I long to be free

::CHORUS::

All of my life, all these lies that they tell
You use as excuse to keep me in hell
You chain me for nothing I’ve chosen to do
You keep me in hell to feel better about you

::CHORUS::

Decades gone by and now Sheila is close
Believing the lies of a con-man who chose
Only to hurt me as much as she could
Pigs have stolen my life, stealing all that was good.

::CHORUS::
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
WACKIN' & QUACKIN' (Originally Penned Circa 1987)

Many, many days ago
When things that life to me did show
How peaceful and serene could be
All things to live in harmony

Many people I did know
Who said to treat it like a show
A show of life for you to do
And find out who is really you

Many things I then did learn
The lines that I could choose to earn
To help me in my part to play
And maybe be a star someday

Off I went onto the stage
And learned how to contain my rage
At things I saw that were not right
So faithfully I took up the fight

Finding I learned not enough
And parts of life are very tough
With scripted lines that aren't enough
To get you through some parts so rough

Ad-libbed lines again I made
To take me back into the shade
With lemonade, so I could see
How wonderful life ought to be

Back to center stage I went
While other players who were spent
Into the wings would rest awhile
While I would make the people smile

Smile they did, the people glad
I with the ad-libbed lines I had
Had made them happy with my play
I longed on center stage to stay

But soon intermission came
Between each scene to play a game
Of chance, these breaks would always come
Back to the stage the players run

During one of these short breaks
While others went and ate their cakes
The play's director talked with me
And asked what I would like to be

Gratefully I told him then
The lines which I would gladly mend
To make the people smile again
With hearty laughs as joyful friends

"Go Ahead" he said to me
"Supporting cast I'll cause to be
"To make them laugh so merrily"
So off to center stage I'd flee

That was many days ago
The times when I was in a show
Of smiles that laughter would embrace
Of good times happily to face

Many, many days ago
Supporting cast I tried to show
The parts I wanted them to play
So happily the show would stay

Ad-libbed lines they could not say
To study lines would take a day
No time was there to show them where
The play could go if we would dare

Then the stage was re-built new
During the intermissions few
The crowd got a bit restless then
For curtain's rise they called again

Supporting cast I did call
Together in one room, us all
To show them how my ad-libbed lines
Would make all of the play so fine

So they said they understood
The stage was laid with new sawn wood
The curtain rise came yet again
With anxious people waiting then

Lines no longer ad-libbed so
For just a moment stole the show
The people clapped with faces glad
So happy with the fun we'd had

Again the director came to me
And said "Here's what I want to be
"The main part of your ad-libbed lines
"For this next scene, just find the time"

So before the curtain rose
The players still assuming pose
So out I came with willful stride
To start the scene and mistakes to hide

And cover with lines ad-libbed
The cast just stared at what I did
And waited while I started them
To pick up where the scene began

The crowd waited for a while
They waited for that coming smile
But lines revised were not enough
Revised when time's the shortest stuff

Intermission came again
Director's ear I sought to bend
To tell him that his lines won't work
Unless on time we did not shirk

"Time, my boy" director said
"Is something that we spend with dread
"The curtain soon will rise again
"I'll give you from right now 'till then

"Take these lines I give you now
"Revise them all as you know how
"Keep them the same but better make
"Remember boy, the play's at stake"

Yes, 'twas many days ago
So many days ago that show
When the director did give to me
That task of such complexity

Lines revised for one and all
And tell the cast where their parts fall
The new stage wood must be checked too
And fix the props if they need glue

Change the lines, make better still
The theater with laughter fill
Your own performance forget not
The play's at stake and this show's hot

Do these tasks before the rise
Of the curtain lest with surprise
All the people in the crowd
Make boos and hisses, oh so loud

Many, many days ago
That intermission of the show
I had wished some years would last
So fully I could do my tasks

But lo, I had just begun
The things that needed to be done
When warning of the curtain rise
Approached our ears to our surprise

Making do with what I could
I told the cast that where they stood
Was where the scene was to be played
"Follow my lead - be not afraid"

"This crowd we have yet to woo
"So many times before we're through
"Mighty task is what we're given
"Hold your wits lest mad you're driven"

And so quickly giving lines
The scene I told in short outlines
"Fill in the rest as you see fit
"Follow my lead and use your wit"

Many, many days ago
Trying so hard on that one show
The curtain rose for that one scene
The people's faces looked so mean

To center stage I then went
To set the scene though I felt spent
The cast, they thought so furiously
About what was about to be

"Monologue"… "Soliloquy"…
"Proverbial"… "Perennially"…
So did begin this tragic scene
While waiting cast my thoughts would glean

Lay down groundwork I then did
So to the cast my thoughts weren't hid
Activity upon the stage
I had the cast show us their rage

Crowd's attention I had caught
While all the cast did prance about
One close cast member I did seek
We quickly in the wings did speak

Coming back to center stage
The cast did quiet down their rage
Familiar lines I then did speak
To that cast member I did seek

Remaining cast saw their cue
Hushed, chanting, sang the words they knew
Continuing the well-known lines
I intermixed within it rhymes

Crowd's attention, smiling now
With questing glances wondered how
The progress of the scene so far
Would fit the show instead of mar

Nearing high-point then I did
While chanting cast around us slid
I signaled to my partner close
The lines that in the wings we chose

Chanting cast around us stopped
While I and my close partner hopped
Waiting for him to say his lines
And bring this scene to closing fine

Wait he did, but finally said
Some words that came right from his head
Off-balance I was caught just then
Because he asked to start again

Remaining cast saw their cue
What else but ad-lib could I do?
So grabbing partner down we went
Upon our knees to cry lament

Remaining cast upon their knees
Accusing fingers pointedly
They asking for our crowd's reprieve
So without boos they stage could leave

Crowd's attention, quite shocked now
With blinking eyes did wonder how
That tiny sub-scene should have fit
Within the play, and where's the script?

Quickly stood I on the stage
With fists unclenching in my rage
The silent cast their cue to seek
Did slowly wait for me to speak

Thinking quickly while I stood
Knew let I not crowd to brood
So hurriedly before they knew
What hit them ad-libbed lines I threw

Thinking on director's words
And on close member's lines absurd
An ad-libbed story I did tell
Which made sense 'till the curtain fell

Clapping, booing, hissing, awe
Did smile the crowd at what they saw
Some with approval, some without
All for the next scene they did shout

That was many days ago
So many days ago that show
Director, he then said to me
That with him I had best agree

That last scene, he then did say
Was not done totally his way
"The lines were fine, oh yes indeed"
To written scripts I did not heed

"The props need glue" he did say
"I wonder if the show will stay?
"And what about the new stage wood?
"Would anyone be here if they could?"
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I don't know how many times over the years Thorin King Under The Lonely Mountain told me I deserved to be happy.

But just because he found me fleeing the Misty Mountains, it doesn't mean I like Goblins.

I hope he finally found Peace with his Kinsfolk from the Iron Hills. Dain and his People are really good folks.
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I BELIEVE I’M WASTED

Here I am again
With another day gone by
People testing, people pushing
But I survived

It seems as though the misery
Will just never end
My feelings, hopes, and dreams, well
They’re forgotten again

[CHORUS]
I believe I’m wasted
More potential gone
They insist on my failure
They give me a life-long song
[/CHORUS]​

I share my thoughts
But no one wants to hear
They call it mindless babble
Not worth anyone’s ear

I show them and I show them
I know what I’m talking about
But they just smile and laugh at me
They call it sauerkraut

::CHORUS::​

When something breaks
And no one has a clue
I come in and I fix it
But the credit goes to you

You’d think they’d see the pattern
It all looks just too clear
If I’m such an evil idiot
How do I calm their fear?

::CHORUS::​

If I’m just mindless flesh
How did I write this song?
I’m not just mindless flesh
And you’re just all wrong

You’re so heavily invested
You just can’t admit your mistakes
You need me to be mindless
Only for your own sakes

::CHORUS::​

Your choice is your loss
Your pride has been your cause
You hurt me and you hurt me
To cover your own flaws

The crimes you’ve committed
The crimes you won’t admit
Are the crimes of killing my lifetime
Just to make your own egos fit

::CHORUS::​

You impose a life-long song
 

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Junior Butt Warmer
Joined
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46,427 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
IT'S A FAMILY THING

Vying for power, vying for status
Using and abusing each other
Playing their games, betraying their names
Leaving no room to take cover

Everyone lies, and everyone dies
And nobody cares about the truth
“Try to be good†doesn’t mean good
It means try to be a little less uncouth

Swindling with friends, but don’t make amends
You don’t want to be caught in admission
What happens here, go ahead without fear
We require only one big condition

[CHORUS]
Leave your virtue at the door!
Leave your virtue at the door!
Such things really have no place here
Start a riot! We’ll all be quiet!
And then we’ll leverage you with all of your fear​
[/CHORUS]

We’ll change your fate, but you’ll learn it too late
And then we’ll laugh while you squirm to find out
We’ll betray you silly, oh what a dilly
We’ll watch as you scream and you shout

“Do the right thingâ€, oh that’s a fun thing
Cruelty is the meat of our lunch
If we can use you, be sure that we do
We’re quite a duplicitous bunch

“Give us your trustâ€, “We love you so muchâ€
“Don’t be so distant and farâ€
It’s all just a con, a pitch, bait, and switch
“You don’t even know who you areâ€

::CHORUS::​

You were born to this place, and you have no real face
You have only what we allow you to be
So stop thinking you’re real and learn how to steal
At least that is some skill we can see

No right and no wrong if we just all get along
But we won’t tell you, not one single thing
The VooDoo’s in us, so stop being a fuss
We will lie but not help you with anything

We’ll fault you for all while we all have a ball
Over you not knowing what we’ll never say
You’ll fall flat on your face in shame and disgrace
And we’ll all sit back and shout out Hooray!

::CHORUS::​
 
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