[Schweisshund]

My little sister has a "problem daughter". My niece has autism. She is an adult now.

When she was 14 years old, she was sexually assaulted by a group of boys in her neighborhood. The parents of the boys created unnecessary drama for my sister's family, they decided to move. A lawsuit took place and I am not privy to the details - but I think a settlement was reached.

Anyways, my sister's family moved again. This time, it was to South Georgia. 2 weeks after the move, my niece started to date a guy who was "bad news". He is a drug dealer - in and out of jail, currently out of jail with a number of warrants for his arrest. Every time he lands in jail, he somehow, gets released. His mother and grandmother have been threatening my sister.

My niece got pregnant last year and miscarried. She is 15 weeks pregnant now.

She has autism, refuses to listen to anyone in our family and is "in love" with a physically abusive drug dealer. She is legally an adult.

What would you do if this was your daughter?

 

[Phil1979]

Try to get evidence of the drugs with video or audio and have him busted by law-enforcement. If you have the money, hire a PI.

 

[Schweisshund]

Try to get evidence of the drugs with video or audio and have him busted by law-enforcement. If you have the money, hire a PI.

My sister is the one that needs to do this. She mentioned she has legal insurance and is hoping she does not need to use it. She is completely overwhelmed at the moment.

I know this is speculation (on my part) but I cannot figure how he keeps getting released. I would think he is supplying someone in the chain of command.

 

[rmodel65]

autism as in Aspergers??

 

[Phil1979]

Her daughter needs to get out of the situation now, or she will wind up with a felony drug charge just by association, or possibly maimed or killed by the physical abuse.

Feeling overwhelmed while doing nothing, is nothing like what she will feel when it's too late. Sounds like the mother is just trying to wish the problem away.

Mom needs to get a PI to get evidence that her daughter cannot make rational decisions and needs a caretaker, and have her committed if needed. She may be partaking of the drugs herself.

My sister is the one that needs to do this. She mentioned she has legal insurance and is hoping she does not need to use it. She is completely overwhelmed at the moment.

I know this is speculation (on my part) but I cannot figure how he keeps getting released. I would think he is supplying someone in the chain of command.

 

[Schweisshund]

autism as in Aspergers??

yes, correct.

 

[rmodel65]

probably gonna be SOL since they are usually so high functioning....

 

[Schweisshund]

Her daughter needs to get out of the situation now, or she will wind up with a felony drug charge just by association, or possibly maimed or killed by the physical abuse.

Feeling overwhelmed while doing nothing, is nothing like what she will feel when it's too late. Sounds like the mother is just trying to wish the problem away.

Mom needs to get a PI to get evidence that her daughter cannot make rational decisions and needs a caretaker, and have her committed if needed. She may be partaking of the drugs herself.

I just told her that. We are texting.

I don't want my sister to feel I am "imposing" on their personal family matter - but I love them very much.

 

[Schweisshund]

She is telling me they got the Police and Hospital staff to attempt to tell her to stay away from him - to no avail.

 

[Schweisshund]

She looked into committing her daughter - they cannot legally do it.

 

[Schweisshund]

They even asked if she could be committed because it could be a danger to the baby - cannot do it until the baby is born.

 

[UtiPossidetis]

She's an adult with Aspergers. So, that generally means that she is a) competent and b) stubborn. Telling her its wrong or bad for her has little likelihood of working (but should be tried on the remote chance that it will work). Getting her committed is a non-starter. The bar for involuntary committal in GA is so high now that the state has been run out of the MH business that it's crazy itself.

The only coercion route that has even a remote chance of working would be having her declared incompetent in Probate Court, but if she's Aspergers the chances of that are slim to none in my experience.

This is one of those situations where everyone else can see the problem but no one can force the adult to behave prudently. Sad, but it allows adults to be foolish without others infantilizing them.

_______________________________
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[JiG]

My best advice: Pray for her. It doesn't seem like there's much else you can do.

 

[Schweisshund]

That is basically what my sister has said. Nothing they can do ... Just pray.

 

[Mrs_Esterhouse]

She looked into committing her daughter - they cannot legally do it.

This is all really sad. She is an adult in charge of her own snatch. The family should quit trying to manage her crotch and womb like they own it. I'd hate to be in a family like this where I'm "loved" into psych ward. :roll:

 

[TITAN308]

There is nothing you can do that doesn't involve breaking the law.

 

[CoffeeMate]

I don't want my sister to feel I am "imposing" on their personal family matter - but I love them very much.

She's your niece. You're family. Your involvement is as much as you care to make it until your niece or your sister tell you to leave them alone.

 

[CoffeeMate]

Trying to get her somehow committed is entirely the wrong approach IMHO.

She is an adult in charge of her own snatch. The family should quite trying to manage her crotch and womb like they own it. I'd hate to be in a family like this where I'm "loved" into psych ward. :roll:

I'm not sure how many Aspies I've met who've said one of the worst family things to deal with is when everyone treats them like they're something that needs to be "managed".

Of course, I'm also not sure how many non-Aspies I've met who've said the same thing.

As a side issue, it's really easy for families to fall into co-dependent behavior patterns when there is a "designated special needs" family member. I'm not saying that is what is going on here. I get the concern, and I get the alarm. Who can't relate to the pain and frustration?

Let me ask you though... If she wasn't autistic, would anyone even be thinking along the lines of commitment? ... You say she is an adult.

 

[CoffeeMate]

You say she is an adult.

Start by treating her like one.

She is making decisions. She is making choices and conducting her life.

"...but they're really bad choices and they might get her killed or her life permanently messed up..." ... Yep. They sure sound like it. Do you respect her right to make those choices?

Communicate your feelings. Don't try to control. Don't try to convince. Don't try to rationalize or justify or force. Don't even try to explain. Simply communicate.

"...I'm scared... I am afraid for you... I don't know what to do... I don't know how to fit this into my life and I don't want to lose you... I am deathly afraid I am going to lose you..."

 

[CoffeeMate]

You aren't the first family to deal with a slime ball "turning out" a family member.

I very much suspect this isn't what you want to hear... ... Chances are very high that this nightmare won't end for you (and the rest of your family) until your niece decides herself she is done, or she's dead. It's her choice.

The thing is, right now... I don't believe your niece sees it that way.

Has anyone asked your niece WHY she thinks the entire rest of the family is freaking out? Or, is freaking out over this particular guy? ... What does she think is the reason everyone is acting this way?