(Knock! Knock!) Sheriff's Office!

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by Fallschirmjäger, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    We've had an annoying spate of telemarketing calls lately and I've grown a bit tired of them. Most of the time I just pull pull out a prepared speech asking them if they've been baptized in Jesus' name and accept him as their personal Savior or something.

    Today... I did something a bit different and upon advice of the internet answered the phone with a wisper, ".... she's dead, there's blood everywhere, but it's all over now..." and silently hung up the phone.

    Not ten minutes later, there's a Knock! Knock! at the door and I go "Oh, CRAPdoodles!!"

    Turns out it was just the local fuel company making a delivery.

    (part two coming up, ya filthy casuals.....)
  2. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    So... anyway... the fuel company said our tank was empty, and.. that we probably needed a new fuel tank, "would it be ok if we put one in above ground?"
    "Sure, ... is there an additional charge?"
    Nope... so they left to get a tank to deliver.

    .... and then 10 minutes after they left the door is knocked on again...
    I can't see a truck in the driveway, so I take a deep breath because I suspect who it is... and I'm right. It's da coppers, da jig is up.

    "Is K_____ here, is she okay? We got this phone call....."
    Um... was it something about blood being all over the floor and being hung up on? Err... i'm Really sorry, guys... we've had a lot, I mean a LOT of telemarketing calls and I've started trying to get my revenge. I didn't know they had a reverse telephone number."
    "Well they called 911 and we got your address from the number. So, can K come to the door? May we come and see her? Where is she?"
    She's fine, not dead. She's on her way to Lowe's to pick up a 16x24 filter for the heater and groceries, and mmm i'd rather not have you come in and see how messy the house is if you really don't mind."
    They asked a few other questions and apparently my answers were given freely enough to allay their suspicions of any foul play.

    The older of the two Deputies said he hadn't seen K in a while and was she still driving?
    I said yes and it was a bit unusual that they weren't here more often considering my neighbor. The more 'experienced' Deputy said "Yeah, I have standing orders to Not be called if it's her complaining" and we all laughed. The younger deputy was confused until the senior said, "You know about her, we all know about her.. remember?"

    ....Anyways... the two Deputies went away satisfied and I was happy...
    ... until
    ... there was Just another knock at the door... but there's a truck outside and I already know it's just the new tank being delivered.

  3. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    Update at 1610...
    Deputy came to the door again, just following up. Asked to speak w dead person and I said "nope, napping, do not disturb".
    Thankfully the guys delivering the new fuel tank said "yeah, we saw her. She came out and talked to us. He told us you guys had been here."

    Ain't it nice when you have an alibi?
  4. Mrs_Esterhouse

    Mrs_Esterhouse Swollen Member

    Fallschirmjäger troll status: Professional
  5. RedDawnTheMusical

    RedDawnTheMusical Well-Known Member

    Hmmm - I would hate for law enforcement officers to waste their time following up on something like this but something in my antisocial personality disorder says that this is still a good idea....
  6. gunsmoker

    gunsmoker Lawyer and Gun Activist

    (Sarcasm ON)

    So you had a right to remain silent in the face of police questioning,
    And you waived that right and talked willingly?!

    Oh, what will the folks at CopBlock say?

    You rolled over so easily!


    (sarcasm OFF)
  7. gsusnake

    gsusnake Token Liberal Hippie

    Must have been barefoot.
  8. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    Kurt, you know how hard it is for me not to cooperate with local law enforcement! :bat:
    I did remember not to even crack open the screen door as that was taken as an invitation for them to come inside (whole 'nother story from a whole 'nother county). But I was still dressed in my underoos and didn't need da embarrassment.
  9. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    I haven't worn Real shoes since they started treating my plebitis last November. They're getting a bit long.
  10. JiG

    JiG Awaiting censure

    Really? Have you worn any socks lately? :lol:
  11. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    Nope... I was going to wound care to have bandages changed every other day... then twice a week... and now I'm down to having them changed once a week. Heck, I can't even find my dress pants and I'm afraid new sedentary lifestyle has affected me negatively.
  12. phaed

    phaed Active Member

    maybe now you can do an FOIA on the 911 call about you, and get the information of the dude that called in, then call and bug him back.
  13. Fallschirmjäger

    Fallschirmjäger I watch the watchers

    "Mutual of Omaha" @[678] 999-22__ Tuesday | January 10, 2017 | 12:53 PM EST | 10 seconds **not that I really care**

    If I wanted revenge on a tele-scammer I'd put """ Deputy Marshall Stanley Wynn's @ 404 793 3675 """ telephone number all over the net, especially gay/twink/Islamic Jihadi forums.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2017
  14. EJR914

    EJR914 Cheezburger Operator

    Tom Mabe got one of them good.

    "Were you Mr. Mabes's gay lover?"