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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just saw the 2007 remake of "The Hitcher". http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455960/ It occurred to me that neither I, nor anyone else on this forum, would make it past the first 20 minutes of any horror flick.

So these two college kids pick up the hitchhiker (Sean Bean in his typical bad guy role). Within minutes, the hitcher has revealed himself as an untrustworthy type. He breaks the kids' cell phone in half, pulls out a switchblade (the blade is caked with dried blood, presumably that of another victim), snatches the girl by the hair and threatens to kill her unless the boy "stops" him.

This is 10 to 15 minutes into the film. I realized that if I was the lead male in this movie, but it's just me playing myself, and I found myself in that situation, the credits would be rolling no later than the 20 minute mark. At the end, the camera would still pan out on a shot of the BG, lying dead in a pool of his own blood. We'd just skip all the stuff in the middle.

It would make for a very boring movie.

So I'll restate my theory - no one on this forum would last more than 15-20 minutes in any horror movie. Can anyone disprove it? Any horror/slasher/suspense movie where a GWL holder would have to run for it, survive for the duration, or otherwise not resolve the situation at the first sign of conflict?
 

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Verbal101 said:
I just saw the 2007 remake of "The Hitcher". http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455960/ It occurred to me that neither I, nor anyone else on this forum, would make it past the first 20 minutes of any horror flick.

So these two college kids pick up the hitchhiker (Sean Bean in his typical bad guy role). Within minutes, the hitcher has revealed himself as an untrustworthy type. He breaks the kids' cell phone in half, pulls out a switchblade (the blade is caked with dried blood, presumably that of another victim), snatches the girl by the hair and threatens to kill her unless the boy "stops" him.

This is 10 to 15 minutes into the film. I realized that if I was the lead male in this movie, but it's just me playing myself, and I found myself in that situation, the credits would be rolling no later than the 20 minute mark. At the end, the camera would still pan out on a shot of the BG, lying dead in a pool of his own blood. We'd just skip all the stuff in the middle.

It would make for a very boring movie.

So I'll restate my theory - no one on this forum would last more than 15-20 minutes in any horror movie. Can anyone disprove it? Any horror/slasher/suspense movie where a GWL holder would have to run for it, survive for the duration, or otherwise not resolve the situation at the first sign of conflict?
Die Hard. Too many bad guys to take out in a quick 15 minutes.
 

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Jason Vorhees doesn't die very easily, so it might be two hours of pumping round after round into him.
 

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dunkel said:
Jason Vorhees doesn't die very easily, so it might be two hours of pumping round after round into him.
Jason is why GE makes the electric mini gun. :twisted:

 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
dunkel said:
Jason Vorhees doesn't die very easily, so it might be two hours of pumping round after round into him.
Agreed - anything superhuman busts my theory wide open. But in the original wasn't it just his wack-job mama doing all the killing? Carrying a handgun at summer camp = short, boring movie.

Another one that gets me is "Scream". The killers' victims would throw an empty beer bottle at him, and nearly knock him off his feet. Imagine if someone delivered a nice, solid punch to that silly mask of his; God forbid if someone pointed a handgun at him. He'd wet his pants. Carrying a handgun in the home / at parties = two sniveling teenagers in a holding cell.
 

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Verbal101 said:
dunkel said:
Jason Vorhees doesn't die very easily, so it might be two hours of pumping round after round into him.
Agreed - anything superhuman busts my theory wide open. But in the original wasn't it just his wack-job mama doing all the killing? Carrying a handgun at summer camp = short, boring movie.

Another one that gets me is "Scream". The killers' victims would throw an empty beer bottle at him, and nearly knock him off his feet. Imagine if someone delivered a nice, solid punch to that silly mask of his; God forbid if someone pointed a handgun at him. He'd wet his pants. Carrying a handgun in the home / at parties = two sniveling teenagers in a holding cell.
He he he! Yeah, Scream... Puh-leeezze. Kinda like every thriller/suspense flick featuring a female being chased by demented badguy... eventually, she's gonna get a good shot in and the BG is incapacitated, in some way, for a short time. She then hobbles away (by this point she's always injured and barely able to move, right?) only to run smack dab into now bleeding and PO'd BG.

Lesson: Don't stop whacking the BG with that (baseball bat, meat cleaver, rusty pipe, mop handle) until he don't move no more.
 

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Maybe 5 minutes past the opening credits . . .



"Stand back, Professor! Luckily, this CZ 9mm holds 16+1"

BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!
BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!

BAM!

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRKK!!!"
 

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Saw. The pig masks get the drop on you.
 

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pml said:
Maybe 5 minutes past the opening credits . . .



"Stand back, Professor! Luckily, this CZ 9mm holds 16+1"

BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!
BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!

BAM!

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRKK!!!"
I would soil myself, take a moment to regroup, soil myself again, and then unload every piece of lead I have into that giant hairy spider.
 
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You are exactly right. Totally ruins these kinds of movies for me. I find myself yelling to the main victim/character on screen... "Why didn't you just SHOOT HIM?!!!!"

But Nooooooo... can't do that. Must ramble on begging, whimpering and hiding for the next 90 minutes like a scared child.

Done right, putting a CCW take on horror movies could make a very cool short film.

Take short clips from a bunch of these 90-minute all-victim-all-the-time "scary" movies and CGI substitute in a new character called "Average Joe the CCW holder"

Scary hitcher pulls knife and wiggles his eyebrows at you... "BANG"
Creepy family targets your house as you live in the last one on the left... "BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG"
New stepdad reveals himself to have had a previous life as a serial killer... "BANG"
Hockey-mask wearing dude shows up at summer camp with a machete... "BANG"
Little kid reveals himself as the antichrist... "BANG"
Babysitter answers the phone and the voice says "I can see you, I am in the house"... short sequence of the babysitter bunkering up with the kids and her LCP, then (of course) "BANG"
etc. you get the idea.

Instead of final credits, at the end roll a list of all the headlines from "The Armed Citizen" column for the last 12 months and on the final freeze-frame display the advice "When seconds count, cops are only minutes away - get armed, get your CCW and get trained".

I like it already. Guaranteed hit on Youtube.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
CoffeeMate said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4-g9V6Rx5Y
Nice. I haven't seen the original in 20 years.
 

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Jim DiGriz said:
I find myself yelling to the main victim/character on screen... "Why didn't you just SHOOT HIM?!!!!"
That's what made the Raiders of the Lost Arc swordfight scene so memorable. You never expect that to happen.
 

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Verbal101 said:
So I'll restate my theory - no one on this forum would last more than 15-20 minutes in any horror movie. Can anyone disprove it?
As the owner of this supposition, it's not for others to disprove, it's for you to prove. Since your supposition is based on feelings and not on actual facts, I predict that proving it will be a difficult task. It will be interesting to see what your arguments are.
 

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You keep saying this would be boring.

Yet the best clips on YouTube are the ones where thugs try to knock off a 7-11 and the clerk blows them half to hell. These movies would be awesome.

I kinda wanna rent The Hitcher tonight now.
 
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