For your amusment.

Discussion in 'Off-topic' started by USMC - Retired, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. USMC - Retired

    USMC - Retired Active Member

    The reason for SNCOs

    A young Marine Major meets with the Gunnery Sergeant in his office. He asks, "Gunns, how do you run such an efficient outfit? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

    "Well," says the GySgt, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

    The Major frowns. "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"

    The GySgt takes a sip of coffee, "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

    The GySgt yells out to his Staff Sergeant.

    The SSgt walks into the room. "Yes, GySgt, what can I do for you?"

    The GySgt smiles "Answer me this, please.. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

    Without pausing for a moment, the SSgt answers, "Well, that would be me."

    "Yes, Very good, thanks" says the Gunny.

    The Major goes back to his office to ask all of the junior officers in his section the same question. "Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    All of the officers look at the Major in amazement, "We're not sure, Sir. Let us get back to you on that one."

    The junior officers then have numerous meetings and POAM's to discuss it without a resolution. Finally, they run into the Gunny, "Gunns! Can you answer this for us? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

    The Gunny yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

    All of the officers smile, and say, "Thanks!"

    Then, they schedule a meeting with the Major, "Sir we found the answer, we did some research and we have the answer to that riddle. It's a Gunny."

    The Major gets up, and starts screaming at them, "No, you idiots! It's a SSgt!"
  2. Rammstein

    Rammstein New Member


    If there is one thing that my jrotc instructors drilled into me it was "Listen to, trust, and take care of your NCOs."

  3. Foul

    Foul Guest

    You could change a lot of those ranks with various supervisory titles and it would be just as accurate in the private sector. :lol:
  4. merlock

    merlock Active Member


    Isn't that the god-awful truth. :shakehead:
  5. glockgirl

    glockgirl Guest

    god bless LT's.... ROFLMAO
  6. CoolHand

    CoolHand Active Member

    The most dangerous thing in the World....

    is a 2nd Lt. with a map and compass.

    Example: We were at Camp Fuji, Japan when our platoon commander affectionately known as "Special Ed" went to scout out a bivouac area for our amtrac platoon. He had just given us a Land Navigation class. We were listening on the radio to his progress as he and and a another trac traveled to the new site. They happened upon one of the phonebooth sized guardshacks that dot Camp Fuji. The little yellow light on top was flashing and the traffic guard arm was down. The Lt and the trac commander of the trailing trac discussed the dilema this obstacle posed to them and decided to just go around it and the Japanese Self Defense Force soldier that gesticulated wildly at them as they passed. About 30 seconds later we heard the trailing trac commander mention to Special Ed that he saw a bunch of JSDF tanks lined up pointing in their direction about 1000 meters away. Shortly thereafter the conversation between the two tracs became a lot more tense as they asked each other what to do and what the frequency was to range control. The conversation was punctuated periodically with a lot of loud explosions. The Lt had misread his map and led his merry band past a road block into the target area of an active tank firing range. They survived but they caught a ton of crap for it.

    2141 USMC 91-95
  7. Macktee

    Macktee New Member

    Waaaaay back when I was a young 2nd Lt., I always listened to my NCOs. Always! Some of them had been in the army longer than I had been alive.

    A leadership class I took presented this problem. There were two blank sheets stapled to the top sheet of paper. We were told we could write on the backs and more paper was available if necessary. This was at the top of page one:

    "You are a Second Lt. in charge of getting the Parade Ground ready for a visit by the Commanding General of the Whole Entire United States Army at 1000 hours.

    It's 0800 hours now.

    You have a Sergeant and 10 troops.

    You arrive at the Parade Ground and notice the 70 foot tall flag pole blew down during the night. What are your orders?"

    The correct answer.

    The ONLY correct answer was:

    "Sergeant. Take care of that flagpole."

    Oh yeah, I passed. Some guys wrote for the whole hour and filled several pages. They failed.
  8. slabertooch

    slabertooch New Member

    The only reason that they let officers fly planes....

    They are to stupid to fix em.
  9. USMC - Retired

    USMC - Retired Active Member

    A Marine stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
    can get a haircut?"

    The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2

    The Marine left.

    A few days later the same Marine stuck his head in the door and asked,
    "How long before I can get a haircut?"

    The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."

    The Marine left.

    A week later the same Marine stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
    long before I can get a haircut?"

    The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and half."

    The Marine left.

    The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor.
    Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has
    to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

    A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing
    The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

    Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house".
  10. glockgirl

    glockgirl Guest

    that's horrible.... but funny!
  11. S&W 40

    S&W 40 Active Member

    A NCO and LT are at the urinal taking care or things, the LT goes to wash his hands and the NCO starts for the door.

    Lt says to the NCO "In OBC they taught us to wash after using the facilities"

    The NCO looks at the LT and replies "My parents taught me not to piss on my hands"

    What is the difference in a PFC and a 1st LT.

    The PFC has been promoted twice.